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Well, this is more like a summary of recent events and a reflection.

Today I was supposed to have Discrete Maths lecture at 4PM. Seven minutes before my bus was going to come, the heavens opened up with the heaviest rain I’ve seen in the past few weeks. Me being the clever me, I took the smallest possible umbrella I could find, and ran out of my house to catch the bus. If you know me well enough, you’d know I NEVER rush myself..so I took a stroll to the bus stop. Within moments, I was half wet (circumference of umbrella too small), and my bag which had my laptop was also half wet. So I was immediately presented with a decision to make .. the most important decision of my day. I decided that the computer was more important, so I provided cover to my bag (it’s one of those Crumpler bags) while getting soaked. I made it to the lecture theatre 3 minutes after 4. Stepped in. Everyone turns around to stare at about the same time I thought, “Holy shit! There’s no space and I’ll have to squeeze in-between people!” So I did the classic move .. took out a random piece of paper (hoping people would think it’s a timetable), staring at it for a few moments, then turning around and walking out nonchalantly. Smooth. I waited for awhile while I dried up a bit, then took a bus down to Holland Village to study. It was productive, as it always is. Managed to get through most of my Foreign Policy readings, so now I can focus on discrete maths.

Why is I do the things I do? I don’t know. Candice said if I ever appear on MTV’s Boiling Points, I’d win the 100 bucks. I’m no altruist .. so I don’t know why I’d bother with people who obviously don’t give a @%$&^@%& about me. Then again, I’m the way I am. Food for thought.

I’ve been eating less and less recently. Am I reaching that age where soon I’d be feeding on cold plain porridge and complaining that everything’s too salty or too sweet?

Wordpress beckons me to upgrade.

I woke up at about 11PM, hence the timing of this post. I’ve been trying different ways to get back into the normal timing of stuff ever since we returned from Europe .. but obviously it’s failed. I went textbook shopping at Borders today … yeah I know.. textbooks at Borders!? What must I have been thinking?!!! I can explain, I tried getting the books at other, cheaper book stores, but none of them carried the title.. and I don’t blame them. Singapore’s Foreign Policy - not a very interesting topic I’d reckon.

Dinner was at Pepper Lunch (ah, the irony is killing).. it was fantastico!! Candice had the chicken and beef, I had lamb and chicken, #16 and #14 respectively. =) The weird thing I noticed was the staff (female BTW), asking me, “Do you know how to do it?” … I’m like .. hmmm…. “I do, where would you like to do it?” … hahaha.

On to another topic of interest: trust. Mystifying is the fact that I’ve only ever managed to trust one person, and the good thing is that I’m together with that one person - Candice. Again, everytime I delve into these feelings, I’m reminded how lucky I am, and how contented I am, to be with her.

Right … school’s starting in a few days. Hope I don’t die.

I need work. Not just any work though..work involving programming. Please take pity on me and let me handle your software development project(s).

Some people constantly face the dilemma of whether to open up their hearts and risk being hurt, or remaining the way they are, thus eliminating or lessening that same risk. Because I have loads of time on my hands (metaphorically obviously, though I’m wondering how time would feel if it existed physically - perhaps something fluffy and smelling of vanilla..ah, that’s the vanilla muffins in my room), I have decided to write about this based on experience, and trying to find analogies (purely for fun reasoning).

Occasionally, I wonder how life would have turned out if I had remained in my own circle of comfort, not risking anything, hence not losing anything. A few of those occasions, I do feel that maybe things would be great … less complications, less problems, more ‘me’ time, less responsibilities, .. more money. =P I must add, however, these are thoughts which linger only for mere moments (billionths of seconds..if that’s possible. okay, no it’s not because neurons’ minimum speed is higher than that.. right, enough nerd-talk). Then I think of all the experiences I’ve had over all these years - the good, and the bad.

True: I’ve gone through hell more than once. True: I’ve lost many things along the way. But also true: I’ve gained so much more, as a consequence of the hell I went through.

I’ve been through a few relationships in the last 8 years. I’ve been through more downs than ups. Yet if you asked me whether I’d do it all again, I’d tell you ‘Yes’ in a heartbeat. Econs: Do something as long as its benefit exceeds or equals its cost. And I have to say that I’ve learned a lot and I’d be someone completely different (and boring) if I had not been through the hurt. That’s not to say I haven’t hurt anyone myself…because I have. But for everything that happens, there lies a lesson to be learnt. When you hurt someone, you understand the other side of being hurt. When you hurt, you learn how not to hurt someone else…unless of course, you’re an asshole in which case these things (and this entire post) doesn’t apply to you.

From each hurt, you only gain the ability to be happier the next time. Painful as memories may seem, you will end up revelling in the present. “Hell”, as some may call it, is only temporary. In the long run, we will be happy. Short run fluctuations in happiness will not affect long run equilibrium. I initially typed out how I derived the assumption that we’re meant to be happy in the long term, but I removed it because I think it strays from the point at hand.

Emotionally, I’ve come away stronger. It was tough, I cannot deny that. Yet looking back, every single bit of hurt, every ounce of sadness, each moment of bitterness seem insignificant. I’d rather have loved and hurt than not to have loved at all, because you never will know what would happen in the future.

New year was spent at the NSRCC chalets with the soccer team. Just before we headed down on the 30th, we had a friendly game at Bedok View Sec.. against a group of young boys. James Khoo, you ought to be ashamed for arranging such a fixture. We won comfortably, 7-1. That evening, it got a bit boring, and I decided to go home to get some rest before returning to the chalet the next day… hoping that the 31st would be more eventful. It was.

John drove us out to Brewerkz at the Indoor Stadium and I got 36 bottles of beer - a good mixture of the popular golden ale and the slightly bitter india pale ale. I got really sloshed that night. I think I must have had 6-7 bottles, a few cans of other beers, some wine, whiskey and bailey’s. By midnight, I was on a high, and was teaming up with some of the guys in “helping” some of the new guys with the Benedetto induction ritual. We didn’t sleep that night, and in between freshly BBQed steaks and the alcohol, we were talking, joking..playing practical jokes on each other. It was all great fun!

Module bidding starts tomorrow… I did average last sem.. besides the A- that I had, I now have 2 B+ and 2 B-..I left my math paper blank in the final exam, yet I got a B-… surprising man. Hmmm.. I think I shall treat myself to a meal at Greenwood tomorrow.. if I’m feeling hardworking enough to travel that far.